who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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