when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
