I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
