Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My balls are so social today.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
