she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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