I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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