I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
