what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
