i love accidental penises.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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