he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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