He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
