First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
