I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
