you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
