dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
