got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize