Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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