My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize