No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
