Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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