Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
