Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
