shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
