I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
