Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
