alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
