It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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