I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
