Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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