I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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