Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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