Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
