can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this boner is exhausting
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
