just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
