The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
