WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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