I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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