I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize