i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
