Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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