I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
