Nicole vs. Life
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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