im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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