i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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