question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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