Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
