Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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