What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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