Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
