This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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