you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
