Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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