9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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