she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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