ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
