somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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