she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
