Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
