I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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