I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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