I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
