We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
