All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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