lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
