I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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